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When Should I Refer to a Counselor: How the Myth of Omnicompetence Burdens Pastors and Helpers

A dark red pickup truck pulls an overloaded utility trailer packed with mismatched furniture, bags, and household items, strapped down with ropes and bungee cords. The image symbolizes the weight of unrealistic expectations placed on ministry leaders and helpers.

At Steadfast Christian Counseling, we believe in real talk — the kind that helps you breathe a little deeper. Today, we’re addressing something that silently burns out pastors, doctors, therapists, and helpers of all kinds:

The pressure to be everything to everyone.

Whether you’re leading a ministry, seeing patients, or sitting with clients, you’ve probably felt it — that inner voice whispering: “I should be able to handle this.” That’s what we call the myth of omnicompetence — and it’s not just unrealistic, it’s unhealthy.

Let’s unpack what this myth looks like in everyday leadership, why boundaries matter more than ever, and how knowing when to refer is an act of wisdom and love.


What is the myth of omnicompetence — and how does it show up in ministry?

The myth says, If I’m really called, I should be able to meet every need.
It shows up when pastors feel like they need to double as trauma counselors, or when doctors try to fix emotional wounds with physical tools. It creates burnout and shame — and it robs people of the care they really need.

Ministry is sacred, but it’s not all-encompassing. That’s why God gave us the body of Christ — many parts, many gifts to care for each other.


What are the signs you might be operating out of unhealed pain?

Sometimes, our drive to over-help comes from our own story.

  • Maybe being needed makes you feel safe or valuable.

  • Maybe you’re trying to make up for what you didn’t receive.

  • Maybe you’re just exhausted, but don’t know how to stop.

When we don’t process our own pain, we risk projecting it onto others — or overstepping in areas we’re not equipped for. We have to unpack our own emotional luggage (be responsible for our own eye planks) before and as we can sit with and care for others.


Why are healthy boundaries essential in trauma-informed care?

Boundaries aren’t rejection. They’re clarity.

They say:

  • “This isn’t mine to carry, but I’ll help you find who can.”

  • “I care enough to get you to someone more equipped.”

  • “I trust that healing doesn’t have to come through me.”

Boundaries protect your energy and your integrity. They allow us to lead from a place of love, not obligation.


When should I refer someone to a therapist?

Here are a few signs that it’s time to bring in a mental health professional:

  • Someone shares a history of trauma, anxiety, or depression

  • Emotional distress isn’t improving through what you offer

  • You feel overwhelmed, out of your depth, or stuck in a care loop

  • The issue is recurring with no resolution

  • There’s risk of harm, substance use, or signs of deep emotional numbness

Referring isn’t failure — it’s faithful stewardship.


What are the different types of mental health professionals — and what do they do?

Knowing who does what helps you refer with clarity:

  • Psychiatrist – A medical doctor (MD or DO) who diagnoses mental health conditions and prescribes medication. They typically do not provide talk therapy.

  • Psychologist – A mental health professional who can perform psychological testing for conditions like ADHD, PTSD, or personality disorders. Some also provide talk therapy.

  • LPC / LPCA – Licensed Professional Counselor (or Associate). These therapists provide talk therapy for individuals, families, and couples — depending on training and scope.

  • LMFT / LMFTA – Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (or Associate). Specializes in systemic and relational work with couples and families.

  • LSW / LCSW – Licensed (Clinical) Social Worker. May provide therapy and often connect clients with community or crisis resources depending on licensure.

Each plays a vital role. It’s not about “either/or” — it’s about a supportive care team.


What makes a therapist ‘trauma-informed’ — and why does that matter?

Trauma-informed care recognizes that trauma is stored in the nervous system — not just the mind.

At Steadfast, our therapists are trained in:

These tools go beyond talk. They help people process pain at the level where it lives — in the body, brain, and memory.


Can faith alone heal trauma — or do we need therapy too?

Scripture is central to everything we do. But using Scripture alone to “fix” trauma — without clinical support — can be deeply harmful.

Books like Lies My Therapist Told Me have raised questions about therapy in Christian spaces. And while critiques can be helpful, they must be handled carefully.

We believe this: Faith and evidence-based therapy are not enemies.

 Science reveals the hand of God. Trauma is, in fact, stored in the body, and research-based therapy can be part of healing, just like in the medical field.


Where can I grow in trauma-informed ministry and leadership?

We’d love to invite you into the Trauma-Informed Church Collaborative on Facebook — a space where ministry leaders, therapists, and helpers are learning together.

This is a no-pressure, no-performance zone. Just real people doing good, slow, faithful work.


Final Thought: You don’t have to be everything.

The myth of omnicompetence is heavy. It isolates leaders. It stifles healing.
But you don’t have to carry it anymore.

You are not meant to be the whole solution — you are meant to be part of it.

Referring someone to therapy doesn’t mean you’re giving up. It means you’re showing up in the most responsible, kind, and faithful way possible.


Want to learn more about how our team supports trauma-informed care and churches?
Visit us at steadfastchristiancounseling.com

Check this blog out for more information about Biblical Counseling vs what we do at Steadfast

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