Strategies for Healthy Church Membership
Have you ever been sitting in your church and starting to dread when it’s time for the announcements? Another request for volunteering in the children’s ministry, parking duty, or setting up for the church service… What do you notice happening with your thoughts or emotions at this time? Do you feel dread, avoidance, excitement, annoyance, or guilt?
”Children are a blessing from the Lord!”
“If I don’t say yes, then who will?”
“I will feel guilty if I don’t have a good reason to say “No.”
“I’m supposed to serve the body.”
“What would Jesus do?”
That sensation you start to feel in your stomach, chest, or throat is a part of you trying to get your attention! That part of you might feel pressured or threatened and is trying to tell you that your personal boundaries are being tested. “But, I’m in church. I don’t need boundaries here. It’s a safe place”. God has created our bodies to warn us of dangers, real or perceived. Those warnings try to protect us from harm.
Imagine swimming in the ocean and seeing a triangle-shaped thing floating towards you. Your heart starts to pound, and you might feel the blood drain from your face because your body senses danger. Once you see that it’s a piece of wood and not a shark fin, your body will begin to relax. Imagine if you were in a boat instead and saw that piece floating. Most likely, your alarm system wouldn’t go off because you had the barrier of the body between you and the danger.
The same goes for our emotional system. When our internal system senses danger and doesn’t feel protected, it sends a warning sign. Personal boundaries create a barrier and a layer of protection for us. This barrier reduces the perceived threat level because we know it is safe, and we can, therefore, think and act. God gave us self-agency, and we are expected to maintain autonomy in our lives. We are accountable for our choices and cannot blame others.
How do we maintain personal autonomy in our church?
- When your emotional system begins sending you signals, take time to assess the situation. In the above example, do you have the time to commit to volunteering? Is it an area you don’t enjoy? Do you feel obligated to say yes? Am I worrying about how others will perceive me if I say no?
- As God, what is my role in this right now? Saying ‘No’ now does not mean saying ‘No’ forever. It might not be an ideal time to volunteer, but that is okay. Even if you say ‘Yes’ and need to stop volunteering, it is okay.
- What negative sensations am I noticing in my body that are responding to this environment?
- Remember, you are not responsible for others’ reactions to your boundaries.
Boundaries are necessary for maintaining and supporting our mental health. Not maintaining our boundaries can also affect our physical health, such as increased stress, which leads to chronic illnesses. God designed you with unique skills and abilities, and they are different from everyone else in your church. Boundaries create a fence around who you were created to be and allow others to see and respect you.
- When have you agreed to volunteer but felt as though you didn’t have a choice to say ‘No’?
- When you feel triggered by the request for volunteering, how do you handle it?
- Speak up! State your feelings with authenticity and authority.
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If you struggle with this or have other concerns regarding your mental health, marriage, or children, our Charleston Christian counseling services are here to help! Offering individual and group counseling and peer-led support groups, our Christian counselor team addresses mental health issues in a compassionate manner that resonates with the Christian faith.
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