At Steadfast Christian Counseling, we believe that secure relationships—whether in parenting, friendships, or marriage—are not built on perfection, but on our ability to repair. In a recent conversation with our therapy team—Annalise Lind, Emily Coomer, and Tiff Holdgate—we explored the vital role that repair plays in attachment and emotional safety.
This message is especially timely as we prepare to launch our Summer Parenting Program, opening for registration next week. This 8-week online course will help parents grow closer to their children using attachment-based strategies, play therapy techniques, and emotional regulation skills. But first, let’s dive into why repair is one of the most powerful tools you can use in your home today.
Why Repair Is More Important Than Perfection
Parents often feel pressure to “get it right” all the time. But attachment science tells us something freeing: relationships aren’t built on never making a mistake—they’re built on coming back together after a rupture.
As therapist Annalise Lind shared, “Apologizing and repairing is actually better for the relationship than if the rupture had never occurred in the first place.” This mirrors the Christian story of redemption, where God enters the rupture and offers restoration.
Our children don’t need perfection. They need presence. They need to hear:
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“I’m sorry.”
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“I wish I had handled that differently.”
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“You’re safe with me.”
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“I’m not going anywhere.”
These messages create an internal dialogue in your child that they will carry into adulthood—a voice of compassion, resilience, and security.
Repair Across the Lifespan
Infants and toddlers (0–2 years)
In the early years, attachment is built through meeting basic needs. As therapist Tiff Holdgate explained, every time a caregiver responds to a crying baby by feeding, holding, or changing them, the baby is learning: When I have a need, someone shows up. That’s repair in action.
Preschool and elementary-aged kids
As children grow, they experience more complex emotions—and more conflict. Emily Coomer emphasized that modeling repair, even with young children, teaches them it’s safe to make mistakes. Sitting quietly next to a dysregulated child and saying, “I’m here, and I’ll keep you safe,” can be far more powerful than a lecture.
Teenagers
Teens are navigating autonomy while still needing support. Many feel like their parents expect them to know everything—but what they truly need is to know they won’t be judged when they mess up. Repair during adolescence sounds like: “I’m disappointed, but I’m here to help you walk through this.” Or, as Jessie Evans said, “I won’t leave you to shovel this snow alone—we’ll do it together.”
Adults and peer relationships
Repair isn’t just for kids. As adults, we need safe relationships too. Sometimes, the best way to repair is simply being present. “Weeping with those who weep” is holy ground. Repair might mean sitting in silence, attuning to the other’s pain, and offering the healing gift of presence without trying to fix.
The Window of Tolerance: Helping Our Kids (and Ourselves) Grow Emotionally
Widening your window of tolerance—your ability to stay present during emotional discomfort—is a core concept in trauma recovery and attachment theory. Jessie described it as helping yourself (and your child) learn to sit with hard feelings, rather than avoid or shut them down.
Annalise explained, “You’ll feel discomfort in healing—but you also get to say no when something pushes you into dis-ease.” That’s how we build resilience and emotional strength: slowly, with support, safety, and self-awareness.
What If the Repair Isn’t Accepted?
Sometimes we try to make a repair, and it doesn’t seem to work. The relationship doesn’t snap back to normal. That’s okay. Some wounds take longer to heal. As Tiff described, “Even a broken leg takes time to regain strength after a cast.” The same is true emotionally. Repair is a process. It may require multiple conversations, reassurance, and presence over time.
You can only control your part of the process. You’re responsible for offering repair—not for guaranteeing how it’s received.
Repair, Attachment, and the Gospel
For families of faith, this message of repair echoes the gospel story: that we are loved and accepted even in our imperfection. As Jessie shared, “Acceptance is the gospel. God doesn’t require us to have everything together to be loved.”
We can parent from that same posture. Not by snowplowing every obstacle out of our child’s path, but by joining them in the snow, boots on, shovel in hand, ready to walk with them no matter what.
Join Us This Summer: Strengthen the Bond With Your Child
Our Summer Parenting Program launches next week—and it’s designed for parents who want to build secure relationships with their kids through real, meaningful connection.
You’ll learn:
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How to use play therapy techniques at home
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What to say during moments of rupture and repair
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How to foster emotional intelligence and resilience
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How to stay grounded when your child is dysregulated
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How attachment shapes the way your child views the world
✨ This 8-week online course is led by Annalise Lind and rooted in attachment theory and faith-based principles. It’s flexible, practical, and created with real parents in mind.
🗓 Registration opens next week! Space is limited—be sure you’re signed up for our newsletter so you don’t miss it.
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Final Thoughts
Repair is not a one-time moment—it’s a rhythm, a posture, a lifestyle. When you learn to model it as a parent, you’re giving your child the tools they need for healthy relationships, confidence, and emotional maturity for life.
There’s no perfect parent, but there is a powerful path forward—and it begins with presence.
