What if making a mistake didn’t automatically mean you failed? What if the thing that went wrong, the conversation you wish you could redo, or the risk that didn’t pay off wasn’t proof that something was wrong with you? What if it was simply something you could learn from? One of the ideas I come back to again and again is this: mistakes make me better. Not because mistakes are fun or because they don’t have consequences, but because they give us an opportunity to learn, repair, and try again.
You Have to Be Willing to Get It Wrong
Growth requires risk. If your number one goal is making sure you never mess up, you’re probably going to spend a lot of time standing still. You might overthink every decision, avoid uncomfortable conversations, or wait until you feel completely certain before you make a move. But being willing to grow means being willing to shoot your shot even when there’s a chance you’ll miss.
Sometimes the “L” Is a Lesson
We’re quick to call something a loss when it doesn’t go our way, but what if the “L” could stand for lesson instead? That small shift changes the questions we ask ourselves. Instead of immediately wondering what’s wrong with us or assuming everything is falling apart, we can ask what the experience taught us. There’s a huge difference between saying, “I made a mistake,” and deciding, “I am a failure.” One moves us toward growth. The other moves us toward shame.
The Self-Edit Only Works If You’re Allowed to Mess Up
The self-edit is about noticing when the way you showed up doesn’t match the person you want to be. Maybe you got defensive. Maybe you weren’t listening. Maybe fear made the decision for you. Maybe you said something you wish you hadn’t. The goal isn’t to condemn yourself for it. The goal is to notice it honestly and decide how you want to show up differently next time.
Shame Makes Us Want to Look Away
If every mistake becomes evidence that we’re failing, eventually looking honestly at ourselves starts to feel too painful. We get defensive. We blame somebody else. We minimize what happened. We protect ourselves from the truth because admitting that we messed up feels like admitting there’s something fundamentally wrong with us. But when we genuinely believe mistakes can make us better, we can say, “I didn’t like how I handled that,” without allowing that moment to define who we are.
Healthy Relationships Aren’t Perfect
This becomes especially important in relationships. Sometimes we believe that if we’ve hurt someone, had a bad fight, or disappointed each other, we’ve permanently damaged the relationship. But healthy relationships aren’t relationships where nobody ever does anything wrong. Healthy relationships have repair. We are going to misunderstand each other, get frustrated, disappoint each other, and have moments where we don’t show up the way we wish we had.
Repair Means Turning Back Toward Each Other
Repair happens when we recognize what happened, acknowledge how our behavior affected someone, apologize when needed, and work on handling it differently. We don’t have to be perfect to be safe with each other. We can have a terrible five minutes and still turn back toward one another. We can get back to good. That doesn’t erase what happened. It reminds us that we aren’t permanently stuck in the worst moment of the relationship.
Accountability Doesn’t Require Shame
Being kind to yourself doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. Sometimes kindness means telling yourself the truth. It means admitting that something wasn’t okay and deciding that you want to handle it differently. We can hold ourselves accountable without destroying ourselves in the process. Shame says, “See? That’s who you are.” Growth says, “That’s something you did. Now what are you going to do with it?”
Getting Back Up Takes Courage
Trying again after something didn’t work takes guts. Apologizing takes guts. Walking back into a room after you embarrassed yourself takes guts. Starting over after you were convinced something would work takes guts. Every time we do it, though, we build a little more evidence that says, “I can move through this.” Maybe resilience isn’t becoming somebody who never falls. Maybe it’s becoming somebody who knows how to get back up.
The Bouncy Ball Mentality
Around here, we call it the bouncy ball mentality. I get knocked down, but I don’t stay there. Something didn’t work? What did I learn? I didn’t like how I handled that conversation? Is there a repair I need to make? I took a risk and it completely flopped? What did that experience teach me? Then I get back up and try again.
Perfection Doesn’t Make Us Better
Perfection doesn’t make us better. Learning from our mistakes does. That changes the goal completely. The goal isn’t to build a life where we never fail. It’s to build a life where we’re free enough to try things, take risks, tell ourselves the truth, apologize when we need to, and get back up when something doesn’t go the way we hoped.
Ask Yourself a Different Question
Think about something that hasn’t gone the way you wanted recently. Maybe it’s something small, or maybe it’s something you’ve been carrying for a while. Instead of asking why you messed it up or why you can’t seem to get it right, try asking what it taught you. Ask whether there’s anything you need to repair and how you want to show up next time. That’s the self-edit. It isn’t shame and it isn’t perfection. It’s being willing to notice, learn, repair, and give yourself another shot.
Mistakes Make Me Better
We’re never finished. We’re never completely stuck. We’re always learning and we’re always growing. The goal isn’t to never get knocked down. The goal is to know that when you do, you can get back up, learn something, and keep going. Mistakes make me better.
Download the Free Kitchen Reflection Guide
I created a simple four-step Kitchen Reflection Guide to help you pause, check in, and decide how you want to show up when life is happening right in the middle of your kitchen. Print it out, stick it on your refrigerator, and use it for yourself or your family whenever you need a quick reset.
Download the free Kitchen Reflection Guide:
https://link.mytherapyflow.com/widget/form/Zmgwx48V1NL9CkMdudLv
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